August 2009

means "Beautiful Body" in Russian...

Surely, you've seen Samy at the Firm. If her killer great looks, or spicy Latin personality haven't stopped you dead in your tracks, her bitchen body surely has. We're just not sure if it's her Brazilian DNA or her Russian Kettlebell training we have to thank.

The evidence: Samy is Brazilian, and so are Supermodelos Secredos de Victoria Giselle Bündchen, Adriana Lima, and Alessandra Ambrosio. Brazil: 3 points.

However, Samy is also a Russian Kettlebell Challenge Certified Instructor, which means that she is a (Russian Cyrillic for badass, but to be honest I think this probably means bad donkey). I don't even know how many points to give Russia for that. Who came up with this contest anyway?

So, anyway, during Kettlebell training Samy will guide you through a workout with handheld weights that resemble cannonballs of various sizes with handles on them. These funny little things deliver an intense workout and, done properly, will give you a great all-around workout. They incorporate strength, and flexibility, and are a powerful tool for sculpting your or your músculos (muscles in Russian Cyrillic and Portuguese, respectively).

For more information about Russian Kettlebells, go to Samy's website. Her various degrees and certifications include: Personal Training Certification from the National Academy of Sports Medicine, ACE certification, and Russian Kettlebell Challenge certification. Mind you, this is all on top of her Master’s Degree in Exercise Physiology, y’all.

Samy is available for training with Kettlebells either one-on-one, or small groups, and Samy also teaches Kettlebells classes:

• Mondays at 10:30am and Wednesdays at 5:30pm
• $20 per class.
• Class size limited to 8 people.

You can sign up at the front desk or call 612-377-3003

Laura Van Bellinger, Hybrid

No, she’s not half-human, half-android! Laura is half-Pilates Reformer Certified, half-ACE certified. ALL human.

You already a huge fan of Laura Van Bellinger for lots of reasons:

• Laura has recently been taking on a ton of great personal training clients, so she’s been at the Firm, like, around the clock.
• She’s been a spinning and circuit-training instructor at the Firm for 20 years.
• She’s the mother of two cute little kids, and much has been made of her post-partum ability to spring back into shape.
• She has run 13 marathons (but who’s counting?)

And this is Laura’s bag of tricks:

• She can customize a traditional, functional and/or interval program for just you, or for you and some friends.
• She can whip your body into ballerina-like sleekness in a very short time with Pilates Reformer personal training.
• She can blend the two aforementioned disciplines into a hybrid workout, so both your mind won’t lose interest and your muscles will stay challenged.
• She can take you through a full or half-marathon training program.
• She can crank out a Spinning or circuit-training interval program to boost your calories and help fat melt away.
• She can guide you through post-partum weight-loss, pre-reunion tone up, or just the sick-of-my-workout doldrums. Let her do the thinking.

Call the front desk at 612-377-3003 to set something up with her!

RealRyder^® Bike

We have a new piece of equipment in the personal training studio that everyone losing their minds over. It’s a RealRyder® stationary bike, and I have to admit, it’s pretty tits.

The main difference between a RealRyder® and a regular stationary bike is that it mimics the feel of an actual road bike because it pivots from side to side on a vertical axis. So it’s like you’re leaning into turns. Is that cool, or what?

Go to the RealRyder® website to see the bike in action. And for those of you who think that this bike is just for gym bunnies, you are about to eat crow: some marketing dude made the point of adding some close-up camera work of a super-intense biking guy’s Livestrong bracelet; so you’ll subliminally get that RealRyder® enthusiasts are serious about biking up mountains as well as in studios.

Call Kelly to set up a session on the RealRyder® bike: 612-747-9340

Pride Recap

You’ve probably already seen scads of images on Facebook of the Firm superhero brigade during the pride parade, so you know that there were tons of Firm clients there, and everyone looked soooo fabulous. And if you were really paying close attention, your eyes might have even wandered to the float!

Anyway, the Firm is proud to announce that we won the “Best use of Rainbow” award.

Thanks to all of the –ahem!– Firm Members who joined us on that special day. We’re proud of you!

Red Ribbon Ride Recap

I guess when we get all riled up about a charity ride, sometimes we forget about why the ride is even taking place at all. We’re thinking about the pre-ride spectacle: how to raise money in such a difficult economic climate, and will it be fun or scary and stuff like that.

But there is nothing like riding for 300 miles with hundreds of other people who care very much about resources, prevention and research for HIV to remind you what all the fuss is about. It’s magnificent to think about all of these distinct (and flamboyant… Doug, I’m looking in your direction) personalities coming together for such an astounding feat of physical and mental endurance. It is also mind-blowing to think about what all the donors accomplished: Team Firm raised almost ten thousand dollars, helping bring the total donations for the Red Ribbon Ride to over $400,000. Now you, my friend, deserve the thanks for that. (If you don’t deserve the thanks for that—yet— it isn’t too late to donate. Go to www.redribbonride.org after your next payday and chip in. What’s $25 to you? Someone you know is HIV-positive. Buck up and dig deep.)

Team Firm is Scott Bilodou, Richard Carper, Dave Flaten, Robyn Meadows, Doug Melroe, and Jason Suydam. Next time you run into them extend your hearty congratulations!

Do you believe in magic? Well, this isn't magic

Magic isn’t really magic, as all normal adults know. Magic is secrets. There are ways to make it seem like you’re cutting a beautiful woman in half, but you aren’t really, and it’s magic because the audience doesn’t know how it’s done; even though it’s done in the real world, ruled by all the laws of physics and chemistry and geometry.

Likewise, it seems like Firm FIT has an aura of magic and mystery.

People are amazed at the results, and bewitched by the promises, and are ensorcelled by the transformations, and are convinced that this is some magic, secret fast track to hotness. But it isn’t really magic, and our trainers and counselors don’t keep anything from you.

No, we actually want to tell you everything. The principles of Firm FIT are structure and discipline, common sense, and a little bit of nutrition- and cardio-learning. By enrolling in Firm FIT, you’re signing on for something that will not just completely (magically) change your body with nutrition and exercise, but you’re also getting an education (the secrets) that will guide you to make healthy choices for the rest of your life.

I met one guy who did Firm FIT about two years ago, and he told me that no, he wasn’t as rock hard as he was the day he graduated from the program, but he knew exactly what to do to shed five pounds quickly. Not magically, mind you, but scientifically.

So you see: it doesn’t take a miracle to be in the best shape you’ve ever been in. It just takes a commitment to 8 weeks of hard work. But those 8 weeks will change your life.

And when that person gets cut in half, it will be you. But we’re not going to really cut you in half, we’ll just make you a lot, lot smaller.

The next session starts August 15. Call Neil Miyamoto at 612-810-4052 to learn more.

Fancy Earplugs

At the Firm, we had two problems that were sort of butting up against each other in a weird way:

1. We have really loud music, which is one of the many things that people love so much about the Firm and distinguishes us from normal, boring clubs with instructors in lame polo shirts and headsets, who teach under bright fluorescent lights on ugly teal carpet from the 80s. Yes, we could turn down the music but that would be like taking Charlton Heston’s gun away.
2. We gave out hundreds of pairs of earplugs each week, which were certainly durable enough to be used several times, but since we were giving them away for free, our clients were using them once and tossing them, which made us feel very, very bad about the environment.

So we came up with a solution: sell high-quality earplugs that can be used over and over again, that come in a nice case to keep them clean and will make them easier to find in the bottom of a gym bag. Those are the little $2.50 jobbies in the jar at the front desk.

BUT: we also knew that there was another type of client that wants the really good stuff. The marketing department calls these people the TOP SHELFIES (actually, we don’t call them anything, and we don’t have a marketing department). We knew that these people would want — nay, demand— earplugs that protect your hearing, but also let in a safe level of frequency so that you can actually hear the music.

These special earplugs are also really, really comfortable and have this great little stopper that you can plug in for even more protection. Honestly, people, these are like the Cadillac of earplugs.

Added bonus: the low-profile design makes these comfortable enough to sleep in. Like for sleeping with a snorer. You will be so happy to be sleeping in silence that for once the rush of endorphins will keep you awake instead of the racket next to you.

Candi Stratton, All American Goddess

My heart swells with patriotic pride when I think about Candi Stratton. Maybe it’s just because she performed, “If I Could Turn Back Time” at the Ready or Not, They’re Gay book launch party a couple of months ago, which makes me think of Cher’s video on an aircraft carrier (and nothing makes one’s organs swell like a boatful of sailors).

Or maybe it’s just because I’m so stoked that we live in a country where there is actually a pageant for female impersonators. It doesn’t matter, because either way I love it.

Anyhoo, Candi just gave me another reason to feel all starry and stripey, because she just won this great big pageant down in Lexington, KY! It’s called the All American Goddess Pageant, and God bless America, we’re all just bursting with pride down here at the Firm.

And props to Firm instructors Kelly Healey and Terry Kuehn, Candi’s choreographers! (While we’re on the subject of Kelly and Terry, Soul 2 Soul Dance Conversion was recently recognized for “best choreography” and was named one of the top ten dance companies by Advocate magazine. For reals!)

Towel Amnesty

Get up from your computer and go to where you keep your towels. Open the cupboard or closet or hamper or drawer or the trunk of your car or whatever it is, and separate out the Firm towels from your own towels.

Now put the stack of Firm towels over by your gym bag so you don’t forget them next time you’re coming in for a workout.

When you get to the Firm, you’ll see a plastic hamper in the hallway at the top of the stairwell on the second floor. If you put the towels there when you come in, no one will see you and know that you’re a total klepto.